Questionmarksssssss

Dear,can i still have a chance to call you like that?? Today i changed my facebook status to nothing...but that does not mean that really "nothing"...my friends asked me to forget you forever...i promised "may be"...but am i able to do it???live without you in my life, i told myself :please can not give up so early...i wanna wait for you...can not...really can not...i repeatedly to remind myself this promised everyday...but i felt very tired of that already to do it...does it worth of doing it again in my life??? does it worth for me to wait for you again in my future life???would you come back??since you ignore me whatever i did on you...i have ever to suspect you might be falling in love on other girls...my friend said i had thought too much...but you never treat me like these whatever happened on us..i really wanted to talk with you face to face this problem...but you never gave me this chance...you never gave me a chance to explain...why??why you wanna treat me like this???i just wanna know what u think now only...why can not you just tell me??why you wanna me to live in suffered life along with this "question"????

Forget???

wanna forget someone is very uneasy....cannot forget just few second, few minute,few hours ago...found the diary in my bag and read it back...found that many sweet memories inside the diary had been recorded that time...do you know, before we dating, i have written down what i wanna plan to tell you...i scared of telling that i fall in love on you already that time...watched back the photos we taken...lot of happy memories came out in my mind again...so...can you tell me...how could i forget you easily out of my mind????

Pressure

Felt so pressure when doing the assigment of FTV...i really have not idea to write...i am so scared...i had failed on the first assigment..i really can not fail again..i am so afraid of retake the subject...my family would kill me..june ping, how??i am so afraid...i cant sleep well when i thinking of the assigment..i planned all the things to do...but i can not able to do these on planned time...lecturer asked me hand out the draft to him...but i afraid of can not able to do it...i have quizes of consumer behaviour next week...but i just started studying few chapters only...now already forget what i study before...felt so stupid and useless...june ping, i really hope you can be my side...really hope you can accompany me to do these difficulties together...

WHY

the number of time thinking of you increasingly made me depressed and unhappy..when nothing to do, i would think of our ever happy time…I would write down all the unhappy,all the things I wanna tell you actually on a piece of paper..then fold it up,throw it away..everytime I folded up it, I really wanna to give you at once..i really want you to know what I am thinking now,why I would be unhappy..i really hope you can take care of me even..but I know you would ignore me no matter how I strive to do things to make you come back to my side again…you wont care of me again..but I really can not put these down…i really don’t want to put you out of my mind..why you want to force me to do these?? Why you want to treat me in this way.?you said we still be friend..but do you know,your smile without speak a word had made me so depressed, so sad…you never talk to me…I am so hate myself..i hate my family too..i hate them why they want to make me suffered..i hate myself lost you forever…

The "new girl" enter your life

Today i go to your facebook and see your wall...maybe that is my habit already now..as i wanna know what you are doing...what you are thinking...today i saw you added a girl..dont know why...i felt that girl so pretty...the cup of tea of every men..suddenly my heart felt down...i felt unhappy that moment..maybe the feeling of jealous???or maybe feeling of worry???still remembering that the time we together, you told me you wont add any girl that you dont know...maybe you know that girl...but dont know why...i think you are falling in love on another girl now...so that is the reason why you dont want to be too closer with me...i always ask my self dont think like that...dont think too much...but i really dont understand why you want to ignore me, leave me...you promised you wont leave me no matter how difficulties the road ahead..you promised you wont ignore me no matter how the difficulties things happened on us...you said you would hold my hand my hand tightly towards the difficulties together with me...but why you would able to forget all things like nothing happen even...??i really want to know...

The "Zero" of the day

When the first class ( media studies) started, lecturer was calling name by name to ask to collect the assignment 1 of the media studies..the feelling of feared had arised that time until the name to be called...i got the pass grade on the paper...i felt abit relaxed that moment..met ian chua with happy mood in cafeteria at afternoon..i was told to be collected the another assignment, film studies..he told me that he just got 11/20 marks on the paper with down mood..i thought of how mine if he got such marks only??? what will i get then??i felt so worried that time, so i decided to get the result from lecturer...i prayed that time as just expected get a pass grade also...but unluckily, i get 0/20 marks,fail...the lecturer asked me to read through his comment that he wrote on the paper then look for him again tomorrow...i felt nothing that time and just hold the paper went back the my study place...at that moment, i cried in front of my friends...they asked me to try persuading lecturer give at least mark to me...but will it be possible?? after crying, my mood calm more and thought of this is pass over already...can not be changed anymore again..i understand one thing that time, no matter how the road though ahead, i have to face it in appropriated way..i can not escape and even blame on others...i admitted that is because of me not hardworking to do this assignment..so the final advise that given to me is to be hard and hard more on doing the 2nd assignment ahead...i know to be sad, depress is useless to be changed the fact again...there is useless to be like that, so why dont i am to be happy to go on my life???

Most Unhappy 21st Bday

Today is my 21st birthday…there is no special celebration…no birthday cake…but I am so glad of getting so many wishes from my friends…in Facebook, they leave me a bless…a warm n good bless on me…I am so happy to be their friend…they didn’t forget me ever…I am so touching when I received the wishes…Unfortunately, I trapped into the school bus for 2 hours. There have accident on the road…really bad lucky…when reached at home at 8.30 pm, I almost haven’t appetizer to have dinner, my mood so down…but the bad luck haven’t finished yet, I send message to you and asked the question I wanted to ask for long time, but finally the answer made me so depress, you really forget all the promise…why??? Why do you want to do these on me…??? There more you did these on me…the more I hate myself…you told me we still be friend…but you never treat me as friend…you kick me out of your friend list in Facebook, you rejected to have meal with me…you even never talk to me when met me…just smile…a cool smile…you made me so hate myself, do you know??? You promised you would wait for me until graduate…you promised you wont leave me no matter how trouble is…now you asked me don’t waste time on you…stop waiting for you…even you told me you wont wait for anyone(me)…do you know, my heart so hurt, so painful that I didn’t tear that time…you can d this but that’s not mean I can do this too…Jp, listen to here, I insisted once again, I cant and wont forget you, I will spend my rest of my time to wait for you!!!! WONT CHANGE…and don’t ask me to change again!!!!

Blur BLur Day

JP, do u know how stupid I am today!!!
Actually I plan to finish my accounting assignment 1, doing accounting entries..i am so tired to do that, I have a nap while tired of doing it, I walked around while bored of that…even mad on doing it…haha…do u think I am “beh tahan” person, ya, I am!!! As I ma very blur to do that, even do not know the step of doing it…luckily I have my dear beside me, sure is not u, is LILYNN, u know her also. She is so goooooood and caring person that I have ever met..she never said I am “mahan” person as I asked many questions when do not how to do, she would answer ur every question with detail...even today I just informed that I have to do the THEORies of the accounting when I called her today…how “BLUR’ I am!!! Dear, I am so “be tahan” myself now….how come so blur all day…HELP!!!
Haiz…now, I have to finish the theories first… cant sleep today….the weather is so changeable now, hot,cold,hot,cold…I know you always be busy on doing quizzes and projects, you have to take care yourself…the advises I used to said: drink more water, sleep early..dont eat oily food ooo…I really sso worry about you, I know you wont reply reply my sms, so just can write letter to you even though I know you wont read it…never mind….
Here, I wanna thanks to my dear, LYLNN. Because of her, I could be able to stop my stupid mind now….however, sure I wont forget my lovely dear, YOU, THANK you as you get me used to write letter to you whatever and whenever things happened on me…Dear, LYLNN and me GAMBATEH together bah!!!

Today i am so hard to study consumer behaviour...and i read the question of assignment again and again...thinking of how to do it again and again...but there is no result...as my mind really to be empty at all time...even just fly over the textbook...i do note of it but actually dont know what i am writting...i really felt i am so useless...i am always wasting the time...always do it at last minute...

today my car passed by the road where two workers working under hot sun...they never complaint about it...at that moment, i recalled back that the time you and shelby arguing with me as the matter of maid...i felt so angry that time as you didnt support me ever...but you realized it and non stop said sorry to me...now i wanna say sorry to you...i shouldnt blame you on this small matter...i really wasnt mature at all...but i still would strongly stand on m point again...as i cant treat a maid like that...thereafter, i saw a car plate is 1120...i think that is meant "LOVE YOU EVERYDAY"...my heart felt painful that time...you have ever told me that your car plate 5230 was meant "I CRAZYLY LOVE ON YOU"...i really hope i could tell you once again..."5230"

just happen a few minute ago, i knew my another friend abandoned me, kick me out of her list...i felt down now...i dunno why she can not accept my caring...just a simplest message leave on her wall...why she cant accept?? i know she must be so hate me..i never mind of this since that day broke up wit you...i deserved this judgement...but my heart so suffer...i really dont know how to do to get all of you back to my list again...

About the Movie i watched

Today I watched the movie which on 7pm, ntv8..Linda found that she could not be able to have baby for future by the clinical report…she tears in front of his lover, Ma while telling him the truth…Ma never mind of these after knew and continue together with Linda…next day, the girl, badly neighbor told Ma’s mother that Linda might be “mandul” as she playful in the youth…his mom could not accept at that time when the matter spread over and insult by others. She asked her son, Ma separate with Linda thereafter…However he doesn’t want to until Linda knew his mother didn’t like her anymore and leave Ma just then…Ma felt so depressed and could not to be happy in his life again…whilst Linda get used to drink with her friend until the second day…one night, her friend asked her why she cant forget him a few days separate with him ago…Linda just said : “ I cant and I wont forget him for the rest of my life…I always dream of him and wake up suddenly midnight every day since broke up with him, my heart feeling so painful…” by the way, the good neighbor, fei mao, advised Ma’s mother after knew Ma separate with Linda…he scold Ma’mother why she could accept Ma’s father even though knew he, Ma’s father have sick and might died after a few years and even got married with him, but could not accept Ma together with Linda just because of her background…finally, Ma’s mother realized and asked Ma chase Linda back at once…Ma felt so happy and get together with Linda again…I was touched that time…his mother finally accepted them as she wanted her son, Ma to be happy forever… “as long as he is happy for the rest of his life….” That time, I was thinking repeatedly: why his mother could accept just by the simplest concept…why my family cant??? If the God want me to give up something to alternate together with you, I would rather shorter my life age…I always thinking as if my family allowed us together as I have cancer, might be died within short period or “mandul” forever, I would rather do that…I would rather alternate the shortest happiness by shorter my life…as long as could together with you…ya…I am stupid at all…I don’t know if my actions are correct, but I just know I cant live without you…you are so important to me…maybe you wont believe, but you are the one I would depend on forever..the person I would trust on forever…

even though how tough the accounting is, i have to face it!!! even though how hated of accounting i am, i have to do so...sometimes i would think accounting is so easy..sometimes i would think of so hard, now you are not be myside, i really really worry and scared of doing anything...even a small matter, i would think of again and again before to do...i was found that my actual personality now...lazy...slow motion and stupid...i always ask myself: where are you now?? why dont you come back??when would you come back?? i know i should be independent as i am adult now...but sometimes i couldnt...i used to be you on my side...i used to lying on your shoulder when i was tired...still remembering the moment you gave me a warm hug everytime i cried...when you told me your grandpa passed away, i cried as i thought of my grandma..you hold my hand so tightly and non-stop to say sorry to me as you felt guilty but i never blame on you...i feel relaxed everytime you hold my hand, gave me a hug...now althogh i feel so sad, i crying at one of the corner, you would not appear again and hold my hand, give me a hug...

you must be very busying with the everyweek quiz and alot projects,whilst me busying with the assignments too...but i am so scared of you would forget me one day...would you overseas in the future?? maybe you would choose to go now...i know your mother hopes you can graduate overseas..but at that time, because of me, you rejected your mom...actually i wanna say sorry to your mom at that time...even now, i hope you would not choose to overseas, but i know i could not stop you anymore...am i so selfish?? sorry....

Sweet dreaming Day (April 05 2010)

Today morning I woke up so early…around 7 am…but I used to be like that even on Sunday…however, today qiute early than usual…7.10am…
Today I dream of you again…so tas why I wrote this letter early as the mind still fresh of what dreaming I did just now…I wanna share with you faster…let me happy for me too…in the dream, I received your call, you were so weird…you asked me collected the money which owed by loong seng…you said you were living so far from his house, hard to collect the money from him..then I was so wondering and told you back that I just living near your house too, thus can not collect for you…after that you repeated your request again…begging me to collect…but I was really can not as I do not how to drive otherwise I would collect for you at once…you felt disappointed at that moment..i said sorry to you immediately as I knew you were unhappy…but you kept quiet on the phone…I saying: I am going to pick off the phone now if you do not have anything to tell me…” you kept quiet again….then I just said “bye bye” to you as I thought you agree…I really don’t know what you are thinking as you give me called suddenly and ask me such request…by the other way, I felt so happy as you never called me since you broke up with me…Jp, thanks….thanks to come into my dreaming world again…since broke up with you…I really hope i can meet you in the dream world…as I am so miss you, do you know…thanks, really thanks to you…

Food Day ( April 04 2010)

Today is the weird day...as i never have much food since that day but i did today...normally brother and mother would wake up so late on sunday but i did it so early..so i would have a bit biscuits and coffee to fill my stomach first while waiting for them...later they woke up at around 10 am today...i followed them to have chu cheong fun in kota damansara..after that, i have a early lunch, asam laksa in Ikano but my family hasnt...haha, just only me felt hungry so fast as my brother wondering why....as today no showrooms open on qing ming jie this event...so we came back to home so early and just have to watch tv at home...but the time passing so slow on that few hours...we are just waiting for the dinner time coming....at 5 pm...i started feeling hungry and have some biscuits...haiz...why i would feel so hungry today??? later waiting for father took bath, we all went to food court have dinner and i have fish noodle again...today is the day i have alot food...i started feeling regreted as i would be fat faster...i have to control my diet...maybe start from tomorrow i wished...haha...would you support me anymore?? haha...please dont laugh on me ooo...i could imagine you saying to me dont give up anymore...Jp, thanks...

April 03 2010

Since broke up with you, my life seem to be empty...lost of the hope forever...i know i should be concentrated on studying...i never tend to give up my study...i am very enjoyably studying in Monash...i've ever promised you and my family i wont give up to study...even without you be myside, i would study hard as i dont want make you dissappointed on me...i wont forget your every sentence you told me..although i know you wont be back...but i swore i wont forget all about you...but when i face to face with my family, i am so depressed, i hate them...the moment i recall how they forced me to broke up with you, my heart's so painful, i cant forgive them...i know they are my family, i shouldnt be like that...but they never stand on my position and thought of my feeling what so suffered i would be now...i hate them on thinking of you like that...they shouldnt...i hate them...you are the best on my heart...i cant forgive they insulted you like that...do you know...i wear the necklace and the ring you gave me everyday does not mean that wanna make you observed me...i wear it as i wanna remind myself couldnt fall in love on others...this is the swear i have ever do to the God..i would wait for the day comes again...no matter lasting 10 years...100 years, even until my died...i still would wait for the day coming...i promise you i would study hard and wont make you dissappointed...

April 03 2010

Today is my first day to write in my blog....dont know why i would suddenly wanted to create my own blog...maybe i wanna record all about him that happen in my life...without him in my life, the feeling is being different...being negative...showing happy to my dearest friends everyday seem likely simplest to me...but at the moment face to face with my family, the happy...smile...relax...are all disappeared...i can not do these with my family...just feeling hated...angry on them...can not smile...can not happy...mood down always...